Is it possible to stand up for yourself without being rude? Can we be strong women, confident and respected, without being loud, combative, and rude? Is it hard for a woman to lead without being abrasive and pugnacious? It has been my experience over several decades and in even several types of career positions to see a lack of equality in advancements afforded males vs females. We have made many steps forward, but, according to statistics, the compensation inequality remains. Let’s talk about 6 ways to stand up for yourself without being rude.
Why is it so Hard to Stand up for Myself?
There are some disciplines where the pay grade is the same; however, the expectations of extra-curricular production remain unequal as well as positional promotions. Sometimes we women are our own worst enemy. I know I will get flak with that statement. However, there are those who have a demanding and affrontive approach. Conversely, others may have a calm and positive approach, a well-thought-out contribution, and a disciplined tone and caliber of voice and facial expression.
How do we manage to handle confrontation and deliberation with a well-modulated voice, without dissolving in tears? We must be prepared. We have a great vision. We may see the path to problem resolution. How can we present ourselves so that we are heard? How can we lead others? How can we stand up for ourselves?
6 Ways to Stand up for Yourself Without Being Rude
1. Standing up at Work to Your Boss
Perhaps you have a demanding or even overpowering boss – male or female. How do we present or even challenge without losing ground by becoming angry and/or emotional? Are you able to stand up at work to your boss?
Here are a few checks:
- We must be prepared. We must know our subject. We must be organized in order to be taken seriously.
- Yes, but we must also present as being controlled, reasonable, and with assurance.
Breathe a scriptural prayer such as “Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight, Oh Lord.” Acknowledge that you need God’s help in being your best and exuding strengths that will be seen as profitable to the company or department.
- Present our ideas, our concerns – whatever – in a concise and calm manner.
This takes work. Perhaps practice. Learn to keep a calm and well-modulated voice. Give no reason to be quickly accorded a “wild woman” triage status.
- Learn to breathe slowly, adjust posture, and think before speaking. Eliminate flailing arms and hands. Make eye contact.
- Do not issue ultimatums. Leave any dissension open to future discussion. Maintain polite composure and always show respect. Respect the position if you cannot respect the person.
- Always retain your dignity. Control your tongue. Determine to be seen as levelheaded, bridled by your own character.
Staying at the top of your game, even if you do not “win”, allows future discussion and adds to the other person’s overall admiration of you as a person.
2. Stand Up to a Bully
Dealing with a bully is a real trial. I would hope that you can work, play, and live a lifestyle that is free from being bullied. How do we stand up to a bully?
- As a mother, I was very watchful for any evidence of my daughter being bullied by a friend, a teacher, a boyfriend, or whatever. We must protect our girls and teach them to run from being controlled or bullied in any situation.
- No job, no advancement, no partnership is worth having to deal with a bully, or perhaps even controlled by a bully. Help someone get out of that situation. Beware of the danger of allowing yourself to be in that situation.
- In a corporation, it is worth asking for a transfer if this situation is not acknowledged by those who have the power and position to fire the culprit or alter the actions, threats, or set-ups of an employee.
- Watch that your own children – and you – are not bullying in some sugar-coated fashion. Let your words be fair and your decisions dependable.
- A heart filled with the love of God will have no room for unfair treatment of others. And, thankfully, God can change our hearts. And the heart of others.
- Again, do not allow yourself to be the victim of a bully.
3. Defuse a Bully Without Starting a Fight
- Avoid a fight. Avoid acrimonious clamor of the tongue. You must live with the outcome of any encounter. We must learn to stand up to a bully without starting a fight.
- Try to stay on focus. Stay on topic. Do not bring up past differences. Stay in control.
- A well-modulated voice tends to exude authority and reason. This takes practice.
- Suggest that the subject be tabled and set another date to proceed if necessary.
4. Handle a Bully Without Crying
Are you a crier? We become angry with ourselves sometimes when we are brought to tears, thinking it is a sign of weakness.
Tears are simply an expression of a tenderness, a caring heart, of empathy. But in an argument, they can be a pesky thing, although a natural response to high-stress moments.
How Can We be Bold Without Crying?
- Take a deep breath, and speak slowly and calmly. Remember to concentrate on the subject rather than on the urge to cry.
- Men cry also. And, thankfully, that is more acceptable now than in the past. I know dynamic leaders of both sexes who are brought to tears when sharing a deeply felt tenet of their faith or when talking about a loved one or a tender memory. Tears are not a sign of weakness. However, they are annoying when trying to make a point.
5. Don’t be the Victim of a Bully In a Relationship
Our world is filled with relationships. We may be tempted to avoid close relationships, or we may be geared to embrace multiple relationships in every area of our lives. This requires maturity and wisdom. Remember, wisdom is a gift for which we are told to pray.
Even in a warm and loving marriage relationship, there must be a willing joining of independent individuals. We build one another up. We are not controlled by each other, but we come together with a purpose to make decisions, to share, to support each other, and to love without measure.
Therein lies the problem in the marriage of a believer in Christ and a non-believer. There can never be a merging completely of the two with the goal of honoring God in everything until the non-believer surrenders to the rule of Christ in his/her heart. Pre-marital counseling should address this issue.
6. You Have a Choice to be not Bullied
Faith in a personal God, the Lord Jesus Christ, will sustain you throughout your life. Take time for meditation and worship. Allow Christ to mold your inner spirit to accommodate the demands of life and as a place of communion with God.
If you have experienced abuse and pain in your life, be aware of the resilience that is ours. Resilience denotes soundness of mind and purpose. And you can once again flourish.
We invite you to find the true source of joy and happiness. Please watch the GREAT NEWS FOR VIDEO on this page.
There is Hope in Christ. A completely new way of thinking. Forgiven and empowered by Christ.