What holds a marriage together? What are the things that truly matter in a healthy and loving relationship? Are you struggling to hold your marriage together? You are not alone. Marriage takes work and attention. Let’s look at 8 ways to safe proof your marriage from divorce.
What Holds a Marriage Together?
Answers may flood back including:
- When he surprises me with fresh flowers or a box of chocolates
- When she looks great just for me
- When he takes charge of the kids completely while I take a nap
- As long as our income is good we are fine
- When we have a weekly date night
All of these are lovely icing on the cake. But with the recent ice storm, pandemics and the like, perhaps some traits of a hubby that you want to keep may include:
- Brought in a bucket of snow so the commode would flush
- Had a stack of dry firewood in the garage “just in case”
- Kept the phones charged
- Took care of the dogs’ needs
- Shared a pair of his wool socks
- Checked all the safety features in the house.
Life Not Always Roses and Marriage Can Be Challenged
Yes – sometimes life becomes not only chocolates and roses. It is the nitty grimy art of living through a disaster; of surviving a layoff; of enduring frequent breathing treatments for the baby and a midnight ER run; seeing to the needs of elderly parents; and perhaps sharing a bed with a restless mate and two dogs when the power goes off. Not very romantic? No – but so heart-warming!
- So, what kind of guy do you have?
- Is your wife able to switch from pampered to pamperer as needed?
- Can you mediate to meet the needs of each other?
Read on for 8 ways to safe proof your marriage from divorce.
Are you trying?
Have you slipped into a comfortable relationship with each one carrying the role intended, yet still able to respond beyond that if a need arises?
Living, not with a list of dos and don’ts from which to be judged, but having the ability to see an opportunity to serve the other out of a spirit of love and concern?
To love, help, care, and pray together as the bond grows stronger each year? Keep reading 8 ways to safe proof your marriage from divorce.
How to Have a Good Marriage
A good marriage is the most valued of human relationships. God made man and then he made woman to complete him. Protect your marriage in every way that you can. Put your spouse above all others in love and respect. Let your mate know that he/she is the number one person in your life. Let’s look at 8 ways to safe proof your marriage from divorce.
8 Ways to Show Your Spouse What “I Love You Means”
This is a practical article on making a strong marriage – not meant as a comprehensive treatise for a formal lecture. Just eight ways to help tie the knot tighter and strengthen your wedding vows in a day-by-day manner:
- Learn to listen – Turn your attention to the speaker-spouse as if your life depended on what is being said – well, a happy life might well be! Let your husband/wife know that you want to hear his thoughts and ideas, the needs and frustrations being carried, the dreams and the doubts besetting him/her.
Do not quickly offer advice or correction. Just listen. Soon you will hear words of love and appreciation coming your way. Let your spouse know that his/her opinion is desired and respected and that you are able to discuss differences without being argumentative.
- Encourage your spouse – just as you encourage your children, your work team, and your group – encourage your spouse. Point out your mate’s strong points rather than belittling his efforts. Never jump to the defense of one who has supposedly wronged him/her. Just listen. If it is job related, try to take some of the extraneous pressures of family life off his shoulders for a season.
Encourage good grooming by complimenting rather than trashing down. Make things a little easier at home when the other partner is in a particularly stressful work situation. We all need an encourager and react with warmth to words of praise and trust.
3.“Spoil” your spouse a bit. Not only because I know it will be returned two-fold, but because life is hard, and everyone needs someone to do special and unexpected niceties to add charm, care, and comfort to a dreary day, a trying time, a time of personal need.
When you said “I do” you were joined as one in God’s sight. Whatever one experiences, the other does likewise. Lift one another up – that is where the word “helpmate” originated.
Both being in accord makes for one strong and happy couple – ready to face the hard times and to rejoice in the good times. Linked together in every way. I am not at my prime if my husband is not at his. We are one.
- Guard your words. When you speak of your spouse, only speak well of him. Keep your personal, couple-type business within your own spaces. A derogatory statement you make may soon be forgotten by you, but the outsider hearing that will long remember. Only share problems when honestly seeking help and then choose an unusually close-mouthed friend/family-member, or a paid counsellor with whom to share only for the purpose of improving the relationship.
Speak well of your spouse with others, highlighting the characteristics for which you chose this particular person to be the other half of you. After all, if she is so bad, then what poor judgment you showed in marrying her! Tongue in cheek.
- Remember that this person is who you chose to co-parent your children. Help that person reach the highest level of a human being they are able to become. Tear not down what you are building. Help each other grow. Attend Bible study together. Join a group aspiring to improve parenting skills. Make friends with couples you admire, that are true to their mates, those that lift you up. Spend time with those who point you to becoming the epitome of the spouse that you desire to be and, ultimately, the best in parenting your children. Set aside time daily to pray together – the third party in that scenario will bring life and understanding into this relationship. “Choose this day whom you will serve.” Joshua 24:15
- Be fun. Purposely plan things to do that are fun. Make time for just the two of you. Wives, surprise him by being the instigator of a romantic and fun fling. Amazing how fast the kitchen can get cleaned up, the garbage taken out, when a private escapade awaits. You belong to each other. Make the most of it.
Plan family time with the children. Teach them how to enjoy the great and close friendship of a family unit. Learn to laugh – it is contagious.
- Nourish each other’s spiritual life by praying together and studying the Word together. Prepare your spiritual lives in the good times so that in the bad times you can come together in prayer, seeking God’s leadership in your marriage. “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him.” Romans 15:13
Belonging to a local church, and participating in a Life Group with other couples, helps prepare us for the onslaught of trials and suffering, preparing us to weather those days with God’s help. Start before you have children so that your home is built on the foundation that promotes healthy and Godly living. It has often been said, ‘the family that prays together stays together.”
- Consider your investment. This marriage was a biggie. Do not weary in forgiving and loving. When two are united in marriage, you commit all you have in order to make that union work. Design it to make a joyous and understanding union that brightens the world and aids others in their needs. May your marriage be a lighthouse for the many troubled couples.
You have invested in making your marriage a standard bearer so that others can see that marriage is an institution and your institution operates under the highest ethical and moral guidelines. Be proud of your marriage. Be proud of your spouse. Be a united force to make the community and the world more stable, more dependable, and more God honoring.
Is Your Marriage In Trouble?
If your marriage is in trouble or if you think that a good marriage is unattainable: STOP right now. Marriage is a solemn covenant between a man and a woman in the presence of God. He intends it for mutual joy and comfort in prosperity and adversity. Therefore, a loving union lasting through the years must be attainable. Go to marriage counseling classes in your neighborhood church. Read the books they will recommend. Be the person that you endeavor to be. Be a person easy to love.
Is a Happy Marriage Attainable?
A good marriage will reap the bounty of all your efforts and result in a union that brings comfort and joy. Make a careful choice of the person you say “I Do” with, ask God to make the union glorious, and live a life enjoying the benefits of having a loving helpmate and a union blessed by God.
A good relationship requires work. It requires relinquishing our selfishness for the betterment of the couple. It requires a give and take. It requires a 100 – 100 percent commitment. 50-50 won’t do it.
A good relationship requires developing an openness in discussing issues – a growing ability to share calmly – and a forgiving spirit. You will reap more than you sow. May you enjoy a wonderful life together! What God has joined together, protect. Commit your life to the Christ Jesus and allow His Spirit to work in your life to make this union a blessing to you and all who know you. We all need God’s help to mold us into the partner we should be.
Watch the GREAT NEWS FOR YOU Video on this page and let God open your heart and mind to His ways and His salvation.
We need the presence of God in our relationships to make our marriages all they are intended to be. I wish great peace and happiness in your relationship with God and with your husband/wife. Blessings!!!!