When people think about important things to incorporate in marriage, there are many things that come to mind. Some of these may include respect, making time for one another, trust, and communication. Communication is paramount in marriage – so much so that in order for all the other things to exist, communication has to come first. Lack of communication can lead to stress and conflict. Incorportating communication in your daily life with your spouse can assist with ensuring a healthy marriage is maintained. Let’s talk about the types of communication in marriage so that you and your spouse can enjoy years of wedded bliss.
Types of Communication
There are a few types of communication: verbal, non-verbal, and written. All types of communication are important and influence situations between individuals differently.
Non – Verbal
Remember hearing that actions speak louder than words? That is true of non-verbal communication. Actions (and expressions) can often give more of a message than actual speech. Nonverbal communication includes things such as body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, eye contact, proximity to others, touch, and physical acts. Nonverbal communication should always be considered in relationships because it can either reinforce the other person’s message or tell another perspective entirely.
Verbal communication is just that- verbal. This mode of communication is the conversation you have with your partner. Verbal communication permits you to say how you are feeling.
Want to guess what written communication is? Communication that is written (who would have guessed, right?)! This form of communication is used more and more with the use of technology and social media. Written communication, while using words, lacks the tone, body language, and other nonverbal cues essential for your spouse may need to understand. When using this type of communication, context is everything!
Styles of Communication
There are four styles of communication. They include passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and assertive.
- Passive communication is just that – passive. When individuals use this type of communication, they are essentially gaslighting themselves by means of neglecting how they feel and they permit others to do the same. Those who use passive communication tend to avoid mking choices and let others do this for them to avoid conflict. Passive communication can lead to frustration and miscommuication.
- Aggressive communication involves expressing your views and emotions and neglecting the rights of others (for your gain). Aggressive communication is often shown as being defensive when approched by others. This style of communication hurts others, so it is one to avoid when talking with your loved one.
- Passive-Aggressive includes a lot of sarcasm. When a person is passive-aggressive, they appear passive, but are really acting out as a reaction to a negative situation or emotion. Passive-aggressivness also involves exerting authority over others with use of sarcasm, neglecting conversation or avoiding disscussion of challenges, and use of indirect communication.
- Assertive communication is direct and honest. This type of communication gets things done. When people use assertive communication, they are respectful of the thoughts and feelings of the others in the relationship. This style of communication is related to longer-term relationships. Assertive communication is the best style of communication to help build better relationships.
Why Communication is Important
There are many many reasons why communication is important. Let’s face it – communication is a keystone element in ensuring a healthy marriage. Without it, there are sure to be many conflicts due to each person feeling the need to be heard. Here are some of the reasons why communication in marriage is important:
- Open communication builds trust for one another. How we communicate and convey messages can make or break a relationship.
- Communication helps build confidence in one another.
- Communicating prevents conflict and helps resolve challenges.
- Communication promotes teamwork…teamwork makes the dream work!
- Communication helps get the facts straight
- Communication promotes growth as a couple.
- Communication reduces stress.
Ways to Promote Effective Communication in Marriage
There are many different ways to promote effective communication.
- If it is possible, try to avoid distraction or find a place where you and your spouse can work out challenges. This is easier said than done when you have little ones, so seeking the support of available family members can be beneficial in this instance. Setting time aside for one another shows that you are interested in what they have to say and invested in working together.
- Ever heard of active listening? Active listening includes observing cues (both verbal an non-verbal) from the other person. This also shows that you are invested in what your partner has to say. Understanding that you both care about one another and your relationship builds stronger ties between you.
- When learning what is expected and other boundaries, say what you mean and mean what you say. Be exact. This saves time and cuts right to the chase. Being transparent eliminates assumptions (we know what they say about assumptions, right?) which can often make the situation messier.
- Express your negative feelings to your spouse in a sensitive manner. It is also helpful to deliver them in a useful manner; an example could be like constructive criticism. Use their information to progress and move forward together.
- Use more “I” statements instead of “you” statements. This can make your spouse feel criticized or like you are placing blame on them. By using “I” statements, chances are that your spouse will not feel attacked or like they need to defend themselves. In marriage, no one should feel like they need to defend themselves. Both husband and wife should be on the same team.
What Does the Bible Say About Communication in Marriage?
In the Bible, James 1:19-20 states: “My Brothers and Sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God.” Being quick to listen means to take time to listen to others. Being slow to speak can often be hard for those who want to get right to the point, but to be as Christ wants us to be, we need to practice the art of self-control and wait for the right time to speak. Anger only begets more anger and that is an element that can be unhealthy to a marriage. God has created us in His image, and while we are not perfect as Christ was, it is for us to be as he intended. Heeding this message from the book of James is beneficial as it sets a foundation for how God wants us to communicate as His children.
Communication is a key element in any relationship. It is the keystone to the strength, health, and longevity in marriage. The types and styles of communication used within a relationship can impact the thoughts and essence of the relationship between husband and wife. Understanding these differences and why communication is so important will help couples maintain their relationship and honor God at the same time.
Putting God first in your marriage is the key to success. If you would like to find out how to have a relationship with God, please watch the Great News Video and connect with us. God loves you and we care.
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