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How Can Broken People Be Mended?

How can broken people be mended, languishing, questions
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Living a full life on this earth brings many joys and many sorrows. There are good times and there are bad times. Sometimes we feel on top of the world. At other times we feel defeated, broken, dejected, depressed, and anxious. We learn to work through the bad times; however, there are circumstances that still hit us hard. Many have experienced the broken people syndrome – some for a short period, others for a time that lingers much too long.  How can broken people be mended? How can we help those who are languishing and long to feel better?

We Have All Experienced Brokenness

We all have stories and scars from our past. We seek to find beauty through the happenings, and growth through the scars. Whatever our loss, be it by death of a loved one, rejection by someone we loved or trusted; loss of job and prestige; loss of health, youth, beauty; or even loss of self-confidence – we have all experienced brokenness. 

 How do we handle these occurrences so that we are not stuck forever in overwhelming grief, inept and anxious, depressed and depressing?

If we can understand these periods of upheaval as growth times for ourselves and others, we can not only be mended, but become a more beautiful life, reflecting the redemptive work of God in our lives and in the lives of others. 

We can help! Join a free online care group with a professional counselor. Click here

Broken People Can be Healed

Broken people can absolutely move toward healing and wholeness, and towards becoming emotionally whole and healthy again.

Brokenness brings us closer to God when we rely on Him in the good and the bad; when we learn from our mistakes; and allow His redemptive power to make us whole and healthy. 

 Following the death of my husband, I immediately began to experience God’s redemptive power at work.  He pulled me up, set me on solid ground, assured me of his ongoing presence, renewed me, and gave me a hope and a future. That future includes eternity in His presence through His Son Jesus. The hope was believing in his promise – that he would lift me up, sustain me, and open doors for happiness, and that he would help me out of the stifling sorrow into another plan for my life. We can rely on that. He is Who he says he is. 

Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1:2-4 

Symptoms of Being Broken May Include: 

  • Low self-esteem.
  • Fear of abandonment.
  • Lack of confidence.
  • Skepticism of offered kindness
  • Inability to show affection.
  • Feelings of worthlessness 
  • Need for constant compliments and reassurance
  • Negative self-talk
  • Feeling a lack of a future
  • Doubt, negativity, mood swings
  • Feeling of inadequacy and unworthy of love.

How to Heal a Broken Heart

Tears work to relieve much emotional stress. The release and relief of built-up sorrow and stress, experienced following a good cry, is healing and therapeutic. Similarly, laughter is healing.  Physical work can help work out grief, quite literally. These are all healing mechanisms.

We can create a new world with an emotion stronger than fear – that of forgiveness.  Forgiveness requires hope, believing that a better plan, a better place, does exist. Understanding that you won’t feel this way forever. Finding hope. Smiling again. Forgiving as you are forgiven.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other.”  Ephesians 4:12

It is a surety that emotional loss can be painful, and grieving takes time. Understanding that there are no magic words to remove the pain, but knowing that it will lessen, can teach us patience. Believing that you will move forward as you develop new self-knowledge and experience growth that will be useful in future relationships is a positive maneuver.  

Grief Does Not Have to Turn into Depression

Dr. Shannan Crawford on why grief doesn’t have to turn into depression.

Can I Help a Broken Person?

Being there when you say you will and showing a caring concern is probably the best way to help someone who is broken. Being a reliable entity in their life without being a crutch or assuming the role of rescuer is the ideal.

Perhaps all self-confidence was lost when his job was given to a younger person. Perhaps a business went under and there was no money to pay the debts. Perhaps a situation continues to be questioned in spite of sterling character. Undeserved, destructive darts kill us over and over. There are varied reasons for losses and the brokenness that follows.  The answer is yes, I can help a broken person.  I can love, listen, and encourage the broken.

Why do we try to Fix Damaged People?

Sometimes we want to fix damaged people because it is painful to see people that we love suffering.  

Other times we expend our efforts in trying to save people because it just makes us feel good. We may assume our superhero status that makes us feel powerful. This may be less than helpful to the broken friend. We must be introspective as we offer our help, determining our motive, assuring that it is not ourselves that we are lifting up..

Possibly this rescuer status developed in a childhood situation of saving a family member and has carried on. It may, however, take away from the other person’s autonomy.  

Broken People All Need Love and Acceptance

This most helpful action may be loving from a distance, allowing them space to grow. It means loving unconditionally with no personal gain as a goal. The most needed healing balm that broken people need is love and acceptance.

Loving unconditionally is having a sense of respect for that person’s autonomy.

When we play the role of the rescuer, we may become the enabler. Better that we encourage the person to make decisions and think for themselves. Applaud their efforts to move forward. Recognize personal gains.

Some Things I Can Offer When Helping Someone Suffering Brokenness

  1. Give your time to being a good listener. Give them space to talk without feeding them your answers
  2. Reassure them
  3. Stay calm – not jumping to premature conclusions
  4. Be patient. A good listener is a gift
  5. Try not to make assumptions.
  6. Keep social contact without encouraging dependence or isolation.

These are some things I can offer to help someone dealing with a broken spirit. Sharing my journey and being a friend. 

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”  Proverbs 3:5-6

Author Henri Nouwen writes, “When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful.”

Find hope here.

We can help! Join a free online care group with a professional counselor. Click here

We invite you to watch the “Great News” video on this page and find out more about God’s love for you and how you can receive forgiveness and eternal life – today!

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The Prayer of Salvation

Jesus, I don't know You, and I don't know what Your plan is for me. But thank you for coming to die in my place. I'm sorry for anything I've ever done wrong in my life. I don't understand how You could ever forgive me, but if You really would, I would like to accept your free gift of grace and complete forgiveness. Please come into my life and take control, and help me trust You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

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