Did you know that tackling anxiety is a part of learning to love yourself? So much of what holds us back in life is actually rooted in anxiety. Some of us have the panic attacks to prove it, while others of us may push through life with an underlying feeling that something is wrong and we are probably the cause. If you find yourself struggling with guilt, fear, and apologizing for everything that is not even your fault, this video is for you. Sometimes I wonder how can I learn to love myself so that I can better love others. I want to learn how to tackle anxiety so that I can be free to live my best life.
How Can I Learn to Love Myself? It is certainly worth the effort. After all, you are stuck with living with yourself. Let’s talk about many different ways to love the person you are.
What Does it Mean to Love Myself
Perhaps it means learning to love some things that are less than perfect. Or being willing to magnify your gifts as you cleanse your mind of negativity, or as you rid your body of drugs.
Let’s look for answers to the question –can I learn to love myself. Of course, you can. And I hope you will. Read on.
Can I Learn to Love Myself?
It is important to respect yourself. Identify your gifts. Build a great character that produces a good reputation. Most of us basically desire to live a life that contributes to the common good. A life that matters. These desires usually formulate our goals. So, why do I struggle to love myself?
You are Here for a Purpose.
You have the potential to accomplish that purpose. You are needed to improve someone else’s life. There is no one exactly like you. Identifying that purpose and completing that task is a universal inner desire and goal. It makes us feel complete. Read more about purpose here.
What is holding you back from being the person you desire to be – from being the person you could love?
The person who can fulfill that purpose needs a firm foundation, a goal, and a course of action. You recognize that but you may see yourself falling short. You want to love yourself, but you are self-critical, self-effacing, and unforgiving -perhaps not of others, but of yourself. You beat yourself up. Why is that? Read about self – forgiveness here.
10 Things Holding You Back from Self Love
- Insecurity
- Inability to let go of past mistakes
- Fear of failure
- Cannot forgive oneself
- Cannot forgive others
- Continuous negative thoughts
- Feel shunned by others
- A constant diet of perceived putdowns
- Inertia
- Lack of faith in God and self
This may be the internal voice we hear. Until I start to live a more meaningful life, I may struggle to love myself because I do feel like a failure.
But, my friend, neither you nor I are failures. Let’s not waste another day in becoming the positive and loveable person that we desire to become – the person we were meant to be. That inner voice can change to one of friendly encouragement. The door is open.
10 Ways to Learn to Love Yourself When You Don’t
1. Consider who you are.
You are unique, you are called, and you belong. You are gifted, shaped, and loved by the God who made you.
You deserve respect. You give others respect: learn to do the same to the person who you are. You are filled with promise, you are special. You are an individual – unlike another – and you have great potential.
Seek to know the best you. Take time to establish a relationship with God in order to realize who you are in Christ. (See video below.)
Let us identify that which is unkind, unloving, and unappreciative within ourselves: let us seek to remove these characteristics from our life. This is where it starts.
2. Be kind to yourself
Just as you extend kindness and concern to a friend, treat yourself to this same healing and encouraging gift – that of kindness.
Do not berate yourself, but rather take stock of your better traits and begin to work on improving the unlovely things you may see in your life. Remind yourself that your present persona is not permanent. “That’s the way I am, just get used to it” doesn’t work.
We can all become kinder, less argumentative, more helpful, and more loving. Hug yourself for each step of improvement as you see it emerge.
3. Take responsibility by following through on whatever you agree to do
With every sign of maturation, be it in thoughts or actions, hug yourself, commend yourself, and reward yourself. Let the reward be healthful and inexpensive in order to keep the positivity flowing, of course.
4. Take a day off
Organize your kitchen, your closet, and your desk. Then take pride in keeping order. This outward action contributes to an orderly mind as well. We take pride in what we have done and for most of us, the organization will promote a feeling of having some control. aIt will increase our ability to focus and plan. For sure, it becomes a huge time saver. These environmental changes will add a self-congratulatory feeling to your day.
5. Get involved in selflessly helping others
Whether as an individual or through a church group or other non-profit organization, help someone else.
Genuinely caring, contributing when there is no return or reward evident, and caring for the very needy of our world, produces a euphoria that will give you a pat on the back, lift your spirits, and allow you to see yourself as a contributor to mankind. You gotta love that demonstration of concern by anyone – and, above all, yourself.
6. Forgive yourself.
Perhaps you continue to beat yourself up because of something you have done in the past, whether it was done to someone else or to yourself. If you have asked forgiveness and tried to make amends, you must let it go.
You may be telling yourself that you can never be forgiven, that you are no good, that there is no hope for you. Wrong! There is always hope for you! There is always forgiveness.
Jesus the Christ, the Son of God, came to earth to pay the price for our sins, our evil thoughts, and evil actions. He died on the cross so that we, believing, can be forgiven. Check it out here. And then forgive yourself even as Jesus is willing to forgive you, through His grace and mercy.
Learn to see yourself as forgiven – as someone to be loved. Loving yourself will lead others to love you.
Loving self is not setting ourselves above anyone, but rather loving ourselves because God loves us. It is the endeavoring to live a life that brings joy to ourselves and others.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. “I John 1:9.
See the video below regarding how Jesus paid for our sins and how we can each, individually, have this forgiveness.
7. Arrange your schedule to include an open block for ‘’Quiet Time” in your day.
A quiet, peaceful time for meditation and perhaps for reading a few Bible verses. A time to commune with God, a time to encourage yourself and to find the strength to meet the demands of the day. Be open to the peace and strength that God offers.
Satan will try to limit your time for prayer because he knows your prayers will limit him. Love your inner self, nourish it, and rejoice in any wins. Ask God to be your strength and guide for the day. Rest in that.
Look for ways to bless others as you go through your day. Make someone else feel good about themselves by sharing an encouraging word, a hug, or a non-judgmental action. It will come back to you tenfold.
Take a deep breath – breathe today. Be thankful that you can do just that. It is a gift from God.
You really like this you better, don’t you? God is who He says He is. God does what He says He will. He changes us with His presence – because He loves us.
8. Take responsibility.
Depend on yourself. Review your strong points. Be ready to use the gifts and talents that are yours.
Head up, shoulders back, mentally engage, add a relaxed smile – pat yourself on the back, “talk” to yourself in terms of: “I’m proud of you.”, “You can do this”, “You are an amazing person.”
“You are a beloved child of God, and you are worthy and able because he made you and has plans for you.”
You are needed this day, in your little part of the world to be a contributor, to finish a job, to be fair and honest, to encourage someone. This is a daily responsibility.
Rejoice that you have been gifted, given the opportunity to serve, and entrusted with small responsibilities that grow along with your faithfulness to respond.
Completing a project, finishing a good day’s work, writing a masterpiece, teaching a concept to a classroom of students – whatever is your calling for this day – take pride in being responsible to finish it to the very best of your ability. Then look yourself in the mirror tonight and acknowledge your success.
9. Accept failures with grace but not defeat.
Develop the do-it-again attitude of a young ball player. Learn from mistakes – but do not withdraw from the world. Avoid hosting a pity party.
Adulting is not a game: it is a way of life lived with wisdom, self-control, objectivity, and encouragement.
Learning to be a team player helps us develop as an individual. We all need the enthusiasm that comes with sharing a victory – or in accepting a team defeat and yet returning strong again.
10. Don’t forget to treat yourself.
A long warm bath, a nice meal, a new hairstyle. Thinking highly of yourself is not being a braggart – nor is it being offensive and obnoxious. Rather, it is gracefully accepting the wins as well as the losses.
Get plenty of rest. We are in better control when we are rested and adequately nourished. It is easy to eat healthy with all the fresh produce available. Getting adequate rest and a sensible diet takes planning.
Include time for a brisk walk daily and regular physical exercise. This most relaxing activity that removes stress is also the most rewarding. Rewarding by lifting our spirits, adding to our energy level, and helping our body be more attractive as well as stronger and healthier. You will love yourself when you see and feel the results.
A bonus or #11 – Look, dress, act, and live like the person you would want to love.
Often when we “get down on” ourselves, the result begins with an insidious embracing of not-so-positive personal habits. We may begin to let our personal grooming slide – dress slovenly, skip haircuts and beard trimmings, wear a soiled shirt, put on extra weight, and develop a slumping or stooped posture. Perhaps even hiding in liquor consumption and drugs. Strangely, the things we dislike in others, we give into – because we have lost self-esteem and pride in ourselves.
Start your improvement regimen by dealing with the above lazy habits that you may have developed in your self-hate period. Get a new hairdo, invest in a few new items to spruce up your wardrobe, take care of dental hygiene, and hit the exercise room instead of the refrigerator.
These are changes that can show evidence of marked improvement in just days. The mirror will reflect a person that you want to be friends with – a person who reflects your better self – and an individual worthy of your self-love.
Attend church gatherings and lectures at local libraries and universities. Listen to an audible book as you work out or as you clean your living spaces. Update yourself on the news and local happenings. Be aware.
Look and be interesting. Make note of a humorous story that you hear, a clever insight – things that make you interesting as you share.
Open your heart to helping and caring for the needy that are everywhere.
Let your heart grow soft rather than critical.
Be the answer rather than the reason for a need or problem.
Share the love of God with those you meet.
Your smile may be the only smile someone receives today.
Soon you will realize that you are beginning to love yourself again – because you have become a person filled with values and a caring spirit.
So, it IS all about you. About the you that God loves and wants to befriend. And that will make all the difference.
