As children, we are taught to forgive the kid who hits us on the head with a toy. And that person is taught to say, “I’m sorry.” If we learn well, we will forgive them and go on to build a better relationship there or with someone else. But we may not know how to forgive someone who won’t ask for forgiveness. For more about how forgiving can bring you joy, read The Power of Forgiveness.
Today we will be discussing the following:
- How to Forgive Someone Who Won’t Ask for Forgiveness
- That person who harmed you may not have the desire to be forgiven.
- Why Should I Forgive Someone Who Hasn’t Asked for Forgiveness and Never Will?
- Health Benefits of Forgiveness
- Can I Afford Not to Forgive Even If It Doesn’t Mean Reconciliation?
- Forgiveness releases you from the power of the offender.
- Forgiveness Allows You to Move Forward – to Breathe Again
- Carrying An Unforgiving Spirit Robs You of Your Best Life
- Deep Anger From Injustices Can Lead Us to Not Trust in General.
- Some People Have More Difficulty in Forgiving
- If You Cannot Seek Mediation
- The Forgiving Heart is a Happy Heart
How do you interface and communicate with those who seem unaware of the pain they have caused you? How do you react when that person seems to get all the breaks in life? How do you handle the pain and hurt that is unresolved in your heart and is daily being detrimental to your physical as well as emotional health? Let’s talk about know how to forgive someone who won’t ask for forgiveness.
Unforgiveness can eat you alive. It’s important that you acknowledge that fact. You must learn the difference in reconciling and forgiving.
That person who harmed you may not have the desire to be forgiven.
He/she is apparently living life as usual. They haven’t taken any responsibility in destroying your well- being. You cannot move forward until you handle this gnawing burden within you – the cause of which the other person does not own up to or even seem aware, or at least not care. Part of learning how to forgive someone who won’t ask for forgiveness is that you may have to forgive for your own sake.
Why Should I Forgive Someone Who Hasn’t Asked for Forgiveness and Never Will?
There are many reasons to forgive someone even though they have not nor likely will they ever ask for forgiveness.
Health Benefits of Forgiveness
- Living a life of being unforgiving is a serious threat to one’s physical health. Unresolved conflict and unforgiveness can be a major factor in the detriment of our overall health.
- The very act of forgiveness is known to produce great rewards for general health such as lowering the risk of heart attack, improving cholesterol levels, improving sleep patterns, reducing blood pressure, as well as lowering levels of anxiety, depression, and stress.
- Studies on ageing also show an increase in the forgiveness-health connection as we age. We need to nip it at the bud in our youth. Learn good lifestyles early on and practice them throughout your life.
- Forgiveness, however, lowers stress levels, leading to improved health. It is a grace that we should learn early and practice. Then, when a devastating occasion occurs, we know the secret of how to start working through the process of forgiveness.
Can I Afford Not to Forgive Even If It Doesn’t Mean Reconciliation?
Forgiving someone does not necessarily mean that reconciliation – restored relationships – will automatically be the outcome. That person may not even be capable of being aware of the hurt inflicted upon you.
Forgiveness does not mean restoration of a relationship. The other person may never give you the time of day. This is about you. For your own well- being, you must forgive, even if the offender does not deserve it.
Carrying a continual load of unforgiveness and bitterness does nothing to the offender but can destroy you, the offended.
- Forgiveness releases you from the power of the offender. It is a process, a conscious decision to let go of negative feelings even if the person does not deserve it. Releasing the anger, the hurt, the bitterness, the hostility, restores you and establishes a birthing ground for forgiveness and an unexplained release of hostility to reside. It is a release that allows you to go forward with your life.
- No longer does the offender have control of your heart and mind and nervous system – you release that and feel blessed that the burden is leaving. Once again you are able to welcome joy and an unburdened zeal for living.
- You cannot afford not to forgive. Your health and happiness are at stake.
- Chances are that person who has been so destructive in your life is oblivious of what he has done – or at least does not care. You have no control over him. Do not let him have control over you.
Forgiveness Allows You To Move Forward – To Breathe Again
When you allow rage and unforgiveness to destroy your joy, our purpose and who you are, you hand over victory to the uncaring and perhaps narcissistic person who has wronged you. Chances are they are living their life with no thoughts of you, oblivious to the wrong they have done to you. Some people have no empathy and live life without deep feelings – only doing whatever puts them ahead or in control.
Don’t waste your time! Set aside a period to forgive, release, let go and put it behind you. It may take repeating for a while. But you must forgive so that you can thrive again.
Understand that you cannot control that person nor can you “get back at” that person. Release with a forgiving heart – pray to God to give you that ability. He is the author of forgiveness, the model in his forgiveness of us who are so undeserving and even wanton.
To experience God’s forgiveness in your life, we invite you to watch the GREAT NEWS FOR YOU VIDEO on this page.
Carrying An Unforgiving Spirit Robs You of Your Best Life
Carrying a grudge or having an unforgiving spirit, makes you depressed, anxious and untrusting. An unforgiving spirit can rob you of many great opportunities and healthy relationships with others. It is difficult to be happy or have good relationships and great joy when those enemies – depression, anxiety and distrust – invade your life.
You must empty your heart of anger and the need to get even. Learning to be forgiving and allowing new friendships, new opportunities and new love to fill you will provide joy and fulfillment. It is self-preservation. It is survival. It is preparation for the glorious things that are waiting to fill you when you are rid of all the anxiety and bitterness that an unforgiving spirit produces. But you may not know how to forgive someone who won’t ask for forgiveness.
Deep anger from injustices can lead us to not trust in general.
It is imperative that you allow the soothing balm of forgiveness permeate our beings so that we can once again interact and love and work with others.
Anxiety and bitterness dry us up like a prune: forgiveness allows the flow of trust and love to fill us and heal us and ready us for welcoming and fulfilling events.
Forgiveness allows us to rest and restore and recover from the painful situation as we forgive. Uplifting relationships and new opportunities appear as we throw off the old and embrace the new.
Some People Have More Difficulty in Forgiving
Some people have more difficulty in forgiving and moving on. Some individuals may have a tendency towards depression and anxiety. But we can change. If your tendency is to make a mountain out of every molehill, begin to practice forgiving the small things. Release the person. Release yourself.
You can learn to be more forgiving. Remind yourself of those who have forgiven you in the past and who daily overlook the slights you throw their way. I would recommend studying the word forgiveness in the Bible to see how forgiven we can be in Jesus Christ.
May we offer forgiveness to others – even if they seem completely unaware of how they wronged us, and even if they never ask for our forgiveness. You owe it to yourself and to those who love you.
If You Cannot Seek Mediation
If you cannot seek a mediation or even an occasion to discuss the hurt, just decide to forgive the person.
You may need to discuss this with a trusted friend or confidant. Or write it in your journal. Sometimes putting the feeling that you are harboring into words, reduces the stress and allows you to let it go and walk away from it without the burden of unforgiveness destroying every day.
Realize that this act against you or your reputation or your family does not make you who you are, does not devalue you or yours, does not destroy your future. Unless you allow it to cloud every day, every event, and every relationship.
Step out into the light of forgiveness and feel the weight of the load become lighter and gradually disappear. Do not entertain those thoughts – protect yourself from a recurrence – but do not keep it alive in your heart, crowding out joys of the moment.
The Forgiving Heart is a Happy Heart
It has its own rewards. Better health, improved relationships, and more opportunities. It is a win-win when we learn to forgive. A person can never extract payment for the hurts inflicted. So much better to release and inhale the fresh air of unencumbered gifts and blessings.