As young girls and then into young womanhood, we dream of what we want our husbands to be. We set high standards in our daydreams. Usually, we say we want cute if not handsome, cool, energetic, goal oriented, even-tempered, and with a sense of humor. Then we add in things like intelligent, friendly, comfortable in most group settings, well-groomed, dog lover, cook-out genius – and so the list goes on. I want my husband to be like this. And I want a happy marriage.
Most Important Quality for My Husband
Then we meet someone to whom we are attracted. Does he/she meet my criteria? As the weeks and months of courtship go by, the mature-person member of our psyche tells us that we need to look beyond skin deep, although those things may still be important. Perhaps finding someone grace-filled is the most important factor in the long run. Some of us may be assertive with a controlling nature. Some of us may be retiring, more complacent. But being full of grace is attractive to both types.
Qualities of a Good Husband
As we grow older, bad traits become more pronounced and some folks become bitter. What is cute at 25 becomes harsh at 50. We must each give freely in order for a loving marriage to make it through the trials of life and the demands of work, children, and health challenges. Some things seen unfair: men may become gray and distinguished; women may be dubbed “lil old ladies.” Nay not so – I prefer elegant and genteel.
Basic personality may be set, but “This the way I am and that’s that” —–should never be said or heard. As Christians, we believe God is able to raise our rotten decaying body and transform it into a glorious body for all eternity – don’t you think he can make our selfish, self-centered, moody, mouthy self into something more resembling His likeness on this side of Glory?!? Let’s not underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives – in our wife’s – our husband’s life – the potential will blow your mind.
Oswald Chambers is quoted as saying “The things we are going through are either making us sweeter, better, nobler or they are making us more captious and fault-finding, more insistent upon our own way. The things that happen either make us evil, or they make us more saintly; it depends entirely upon the relationship with God.”
Once we say “I do” then we begin the task or opportunity to begin to make two personalities come together as one in commitment to God and to each other. In commitment to a godly home, a faithful union, a team approach to decisions, a safe and loving home for family and friends. This should include a commitment to wanting and helping provide for one’s husband or wife, recognizing individual needs and committing to being an encourager to help each other grow as individuals.
A Committed Spouse
Commit to making your home joyful and welcoming. Save energy for use at home being playful, engaging, and caring. A friend in gene research says there must be a Boring Gene – he hopes to identify it so it can be replaced. Know anyone you want to sign up for a replacement? Be the sparkler for your home. The innovator, the lilting voice of reason and joy.
Claim the abundant life of which Jesus spoke: “I have come that you may have LIFE and have it abundantly” in John 10. Not “for as long as you have such-and-such” – whatever or whoever you love most – a name, a job, youth, marriage, health – you name it. Jesus promises that He will fulfill our every need.
Cherish Your Spouse
My guy, my husband, my lover, confidante, soul mate, spiritual mentor, friend, balanced me, and I he. I knew I was #1. A romantic man – still courting me after 35 years – and I loved it and tried to make myself as desirable as possible to him. Oh, yes, we had our differences (euphemism) – but basically, I always knew we were on solid ground – safe – free. Don’t take advantage of a committed husband (or wife), thinking he will always be there no matter what. Never take that gift for granted. Cherish it and treasure it
Love your guy or gal into being the mate that you both envision. You want him to comfort you on a bad day. On His Bad Day – filled with disappointments, hurt when he is passed over, perhaps fired – and feeling less than a man? Do you come on as if it is his fault? As if “they” are right? As if, well, I’m not surprised. Or are you an encourager and true supporter of him. Remember your partner needs lift-ups – not putdowns!
Learn to Empathize
We need to learn to empathize. Do you have the ability to get inside others’ head and understand their feelings, yet never even try to understand your wife or husband? Do you expect your man to be stoic through it all and not need encouragement?
What Your Husband Wants from You
Your husband wanted someone to think he is wonderful – smart – macho – competent – able to care for you and your needs. Someone to be there for him – someone to be there for. Are you still that wonderful, smart, attractive, competent, sensible, friendly, and gracious person that came to the wedding altar? Someone to make him laugh, someone to flirt with, someone to ask an opinion, someone to seek his counsel and guidance as the head of the home?
Are you robbing yourself of joy because you are selfish – not giving for fear it will not be returned? Don’t waste years of relaxed shared joy because of selfishness. Do others get your best and your family only leftovers? Do you forgive and overlook others’ frailties while magnifying the frailties of the one you married? You may be cheating yourself and the one you promised before God to love, honor, uphold – in whatever circumstances.
See to one another’s needs and in turn you will be so cared for until your basket overflows. Wives, I can assure you that your husband 1) Wants to provide, 2) Wants your love, 3) Wants your admiration and 4) Wants your support. He needs your encouragement. Your chosen mate needs your devoted attention. Both of you need to feel appreciated. God will be the binding one of the threesome in a home honoring Him.
Watch the video Great News and affirm your decision to trust Jesus Christ with all of this – your life, your marriage, your eternity. Only there do we find peace and comfort and hope. Delight in the fact that you chose your mate. Delight that God has chosen to offer you His Salvation through faith.
