My heart is mushy today. Today is our oldest son’s 31st birthday. Out of those 3 decades, he has only spent his actual birth day with us. At six weeks old, he died of SIDS while in my arms. Therefore, he has always experienced the best of the best holy parties with Jesus shooting the confetti cannon. Can you imagine the clean up of those shindigs? I’m sad. Not for him, but for me. Just because I miss looking at him. He is actually in the safest place any of our kids could be, the strong arms of Jesus. You searched “my baby died of SIDS in my arms and I need hope. I have been where you are. You are not alone. You are grieving and you need hope.
Hopelessness
Many years, his death day falls around Easter and I often feel an embarrassingly haunting comfort of God’s only son dying around the same time mine did. I think God must feel all the feels and know all the depths of sadness and sometimes hopelessness. Did God ever feel hopelessness? Hmmm, I doubt it. He knew how it would all turn out. It didn’t negate the tragedy though. I guess I really haven’t tasted hopelessness either since I know my son will eventually be reunited with us in eternity.
My baby died of SIDS in my arms and I need hope. Jesus understands. He can heal. God loves you. Find out more here.
How Does SIDS Affect the Mother?
I reluctantly admit, I feel a little envious God’s kid rose on the third day. Not jealous ugly, just awwwww, I wish that would’ve been our story too. Of course, I don’t want the weight of the cross and sins of the world on my little Nick’s shoulders, just the resurrection part. Just the Easter lilies, communion celebration, pretty dresses and ham dinners with relatives.
All these things remind me of my tiny humanness and finite thinking I don’t want the death and dying of anything in my life, but I want the redemption and glistening newness! I’m a farm girl and know the seed has to die for the plant to live, how much more clearly can it be explained? What am I missing here?
I only buy the plants from the greenhouse so I can bypass that whole seed experience. Every year, I pick out colorful seed packets of tomatoes and assorted flowers, shake them for that noise and ponder the what ifs? and put them back. What if it doesn’t work? eWhat if it rots in the dying process? What if I don’t water it enough to bring it back to life. I really don’t trust the system or the unfolding drama of the bud to sprout.
How Do You Heal after Losing a Baby?
What does that say about other things in my life? Can I trust the progression of life and the proceeding of the holy spirit in my life and others to make dead things new? I was talking to a friend today and she can see the redeeming happening in my life and I can clearly see God moving and working in hers, although we both remain blind to the forward movement in our own. We pinky promised we would continually remind each other of the Waymaker, Promise keeper, Light in the darkness, Confetti cannon master. The one who redeems all things. All the time. Celebrating my kid’s birthday and Jesus is RISEN!
Read more from Cori about waiting here.
If you would like to experience the joy and healing of knowing Jesus Christ, we invite you to watch the GREAT NEWS FOR YOU video on this page. My baby died of SIDS in my arms and I need hope. Jesus understands. He can heal. God loves you.
