My Baby Died of SIDS in My Arms and I Need Hope

My heart is mushy today.  Today is our oldest son’s 31st birthday. Out of those 3 decades, he has only spent his actual birth day with us.  At six weeks old, he died of SIDS while in my arms. Therefore, he has always experienced the best of the best holy parties with Jesus shooting the confetti cannon.  Can you imagine the clean up of those shindigs?  I’m sad.  Not for him, but for me.  Just because I miss looking at  him.  He is actually in the safest place any of our kids  could be, the strong arms of Jesus. You searched “my baby died of SIDS in my arms and I need hope. I have been where you are. You are not alone. You are grieving and you need hope.

Hopelessness

 Many years, his death day falls around Easter and I often feel an embarrassingly haunting  comfort of God’s only son dying around the same time mine did.  I think God must feel all the feels and know all the depths of sadness and sometimes hopelessness. Did God ever feel hopelessness?  Hmmm, I doubt it. He knew how it would all turn out. It didn’t negate the tragedy though. I guess I really haven’t tasted hopelessness either since I know my son will eventually be reunited with us in eternity. 

My baby died of SIDS in my arms and I need hope. Jesus understands. He can heal. God loves you. Find out more here.

How Does SIDS Affect the Mother?

I reluctantly admit, I feel a little envious God’s kid rose on the third day. Not jealous ugly, just awwwww, I wish that would’ve been our story too.   Of course, I don’t want the weight of the cross and sins of the world on my little Nick’s shoulders, just the resurrection part. Just the Easter lilies, communion celebration, pretty dresses and ham dinners with relatives.  

All these things remind me of my tiny humanness and finite thinking  I don’t want the death and dying of anything in my life, but I want the redemption and glistening newness!  I’m a farm girl and know the seed has to die for the plant to live, how much more clearly can it be explained? What am I missing here?

 I only buy the plants from the greenhouse so I can bypass that whole seed experience. Every year, I pick out colorful seed packets of tomatoes and assorted flowers, shake them for that noise and ponder the what ifs? and put them back. What if it doesn’t work? eWhat if it rots in the dying process? What if I don’t water it enough to bring it back to life. I really don’t trust the system or the unfolding drama of the bud to sprout. 

How Do You Heal after Losing a Baby?

What does that say about other things in my life? Can I trust the progression of life and the proceeding of the holy spirit in my life and others to make dead things new?  I was talking to a friend today and she can see the redeeming happening in my life and I can clearly see God moving and working in hers, although we both remain blind to the forward movement in our own. We pinky promised we would continually remind each other of the Waymaker, Promise keeper, Light in the darkness, Confetti cannon master. The one who redeems all things.  All the time.  Celebrating my kid’s birthday and Jesus is RISEN!

Read more from Cori about waiting here.

If you would like to experience the joy and healing of knowing Jesus Christ, we invite you to watch the GREAT NEWS FOR YOU video on this page. My baby died of SIDS in my arms and I need hope. Jesus understands. He can heal. God loves you.

My baby died of SIDS in my arms and I need hope, grief

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If this video connected with you in some way, and you’d like to find out more about having a relationship with God and how His forgiveness and grace applies to you, a great place to start is praying the prayer below. The words themselves aren’t magic, but if you earnestly pray them and mean them, God will hear you! He’ll help you in ways you don’t understand, and we’ll help you find support and next steps.

The Prayer

Jesus, I don't know You, and I don't know what Your plan is for me. But thank you for coming to die in my place. I'm sorry for anything I've ever done wrong in my life. I don't understand how You could ever forgive me, but if You really would, I would like to accept your free gift of grace and complete forgiveness. Please come into my life and take control, and help me trust You. In Jesus' name I pray,

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