I have never met two people who are exactly the same. In fact, I haven’t met very many people who are similar to each other at all. We are all sometimes struggling with our identities and what people think of us. Working in a coffee shop allows me to meet people with all kinds of personalities and pursuits in life. I’ve talked to everyone from an aerospace engineer to a glass-blowing artist, from a nervous tea-drinker to a bubbly woman who is everyone’s unofficial mom. Are you asking the question “how to be confident in my identity and who I am?” Read on then!
I wonder what you would be like if you walked into my coffee shop, reader. I know that you have a unique personality and stories to tell. Chances are I would love getting to know you! In the same way, you should love getting to know yourself, too. I’m so glad you’re on the journey of discovering your identity.
I want to share some thoughts to encourage you on the path.
There are many practical reasons to spend time defining and discovering your true self. But there is also a secret that will make this journey much simpler. Once you learn what every person really wants, how to get it, and how to share it, a deep confidence will take root in your life. Are you asking the question “how to be confident in my identity. and who I am?” Read on then!
I Want to Be Loved
Every new person I meet makes me wonder how they became who they are. Why is Wendy always in a rush? Why does George have such a hard time with eye contact? I often hear people say, “That’s just how they’re wired.” But I believe it goes deeper than that – there’s a reason why people are wired that way.
We all want love. We want acceptance – to belong among others. When we feel fully loved, we feel like we know our identity. This is behind every major decision that shapes our lives. I almost went to the college where my boyfriend was planning to go, even though that school didn’t have the program I wanted to study. People move to new cities based on the prospect of finding a community there. We pursue careers that will make others think highly of us, or jobs that will provide the money we need to support a family. Even drug addicts often get hooked because it leads to acceptance within a group, or because drugs offer an escape from the pain of not being loved. Have you ever met a lonely person who is happy?
As we chase after love, we carve our life paths.
George is afraid to look people in the eye because they might see weakness in him and reject him. Wendy struggles with perfectionism because if her actions aren’t perfect, she might not receive love from others. George may never leave his parents’ house. Wendy may become a successful CEO, but lose her marriage and children in the process as she spends all of her time working. Can you imagine how different these people would be if they experienced unconditional love? Are you asking the question “how to be confident in my identity and who I am?” Read on then!
Two Types of People
This is the secret I want to share with you. We all want to be loved; you’ll only feel fully confident in your identity when you are fully loved. There are two types of people, then: Those who are moving toward their identity and those who are moving from their identity. Wendy and George are moving toward identity, trying to define themselves with every action, although they don’t know where to find it. They might spend their whole lives moving toward love in order to find their identity – it’s the light at the end of an infinite tunnel. But a person who moves from identity is confident in everything they do.
“There is no fear in love,” writes John in the Bible, “for perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18). What about you? Can you imagine a life without fear? You would be so powerful – able to make any decision with confidence. This is why love is the key to our identity and our joy. Perfect love erases all fear. But of course, if we spend our whole lives chasing imperfect love, fear will always poison our thoughts and choices.
Perfect, Unconditional Love
If we know that the secret to happiness is perfect love, it explains why people act the way they do. We all want the same thing. But how do I find true love? Don’t worry, I’m not going to leave you guessing. Perfect love is different from flawed love in every way. While flawed love requires you to chase endlessly, perfect love is easy to access. It comes from God, and you don’t have to chase after his affection. He gives it freely.
When you are fully loved by God, you’ll easily be able to answer the question “Who Am I?”
His perfect love is like a seed, which grows into a deeply rooted tree. This tree is a picture of your unshakeable identity. I know this from experience. Someone recently prayed these very things over me, and that prayer has become a reality in my life. Their prayer was that I would move from identity, not toward identity like the rest of the wandering world. Once I experienced the fullness of God’s love, I was able to stop doubting myself. I knew that his love would protect me and lead me into beautiful things. And sure enough, it did!
God Offers True Love
You are on an amazing, important path to finding your identity. I want to assure you that it’s not as confusing as it may seem. I’ve found my identity as a daughter loved fully by God, and you can turn to him for that same love. Take a moment to read this poem about his love for you:
You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand—
when I awake, I am still with you.
(Psalm 139)
